When I gave this speech back in May, I had no idea how much I would need these words, these sentiments, now and in the coming months and years; how much we would all need them. In what, to me, seems like a world suddenly cast into the darkness, I choose light. I choose to love, respect, support and lift up my fellow (wo)man. I choose to believe in the inherent goodness in us and I send out to the universe a prayer that all of us find that goodness, that light, in ourselves and in others.
The light within me honors the light within each of you.
Blue Valley High School Graduation, 2016, Randolph, Kansas
Once I had accepted the invitation to be here today, the first questions I asked myself were, “What wisdom have I gathered about life in my 30+ years on planet Earth?” “What do I know about the human experience?” “What does it really mean to be human?” “What does it really mean to be a good human?” “What are we all here for?” “What does it all mean?!” Yes. I ask a lot of questions.
I looked deep within myself, mulled it over, sifted through everything I believe to be true and came to the conclusion that humanity, as in kindness shown to ourselves, to other people, to all living things and to the earth is what this human experience is all about. Within the concept of humanity, I have discovered that the most important elements are gratitude, humility, empathy, compassion and forgiveness. And these elements are what I’m going to open up to you today.
Gandhi said, “The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane.” Often times when we think about offering up sentiments like empathy, compassion or forgiveness we think of them in the context of being empathetic, compassionate or forgiving to the ones we love, which is an extremely important aspect of being humane. However, I propose that it is just as important to practice these aspects as they apply to people we, maybe don’t like so much, people we don’t really understand or people who we feel have wronged us in some way. The only thing that makes these people “different” from our loved ones is that we haven’t yet begun to practice opening ourselves up to the elements of our humanity where they are concerned. When we look at them we see an “other.” This is when we need to reach deep within ourselves for our gratitude, for our humility, for our empathy and compassion and for our ability to forgive. Because, in truth, there is no “other”. There is only us. We humans, taking part in this human experience. We all breathe the same air. We all share the same Earth. And we all just want to be happy. And in this search for happiness we all crave connections. It is through these five elements of humanity that we will find those connections we long for.
Okay, that’s all well and good, but what do these things really look like? What do they really mean? (See, more questions!) Well, like any good English teacher, I started researching. I picked the virtual brains of religious leaders and gurus, as well as the minds of great secular thinkers. I took what I found and reflected upon it, internalized it, digested it. And this is what I discovered: you have to start in a place of gratitude. In this place, the seeds of humility, empathy, compassion and forgiveness can be planted, nurtured and grow into a path that you can follow for your whole life.
Gratitude starts with slowing down, opening our eyes, opening our hearts, listening and realizing that this moment is a gift; that every moment we have on Earth is a gift. It starts by taking inventory of all we have, every day, to be thankful for. We have clean air to breath, fresh water to drink, beating hearts and people in our lives who love us. When we operate from a place of true gratefulness, we are able to see that what we have, truly is enough. When we take the time to fully appreciate what we have and who we are, we are more apt to take care of ourselves. The same principle applies with how we interact with other humans and with nature. When we recognize and are thankful for the people we come in contact with every day we can begin to build authentic connections with them. When we spend time in nature and take time to wonder at it in all its glory, we are more likely to take care of it. These actions help us cultivate an awareness that will allow humility to flourish.
Someone once declared that “there’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance…it’s called humility.” I feel that in our current society, humility is a quality that often gets overlooked or even looked down upon. I think we need to take it upon ourselves to bring it back into fashion. I think we need to recognize and celebrate humility when we see it in ourselves and in others. In doing so I think we will find, as William Temple the Archbishop of Canterbury said, that “humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.” It means recognizing that each one of us was put on this Earth for a purpose. It means recognizing that it’s our life’s work to find that purpose and use it to help others.
I want each of you to think about what your goals are. What is your ultimate career goal? What is it you want to do with your life? What is your passion? Now, think about how you can use your unique talents to help others no matter what your passion is, no matter what career path you follow. Within your work you can ask “How can I help?” instead of “What’s in it for me?” Because when you are able to be of service to others by doing what you love, “what’s in it for you” is moving beyond simple happiness to true joy and fulfillment.
Once we have turned our focus inward to find gratitude and then back out to meet the world with humility, we can develop true empathy and compassion.
We must acknowledge that every one of us has a story. Every one of us has faced or is facing hardship. Only we can know what our own hardship feels like. There is no real way of knowing for sure what another person’s hardship feels like. Writer Azar Nafisi asserts that “the biggest sin is to be blind to others’ problems and pains. Not seeing them means denying their existence.” We can only listen, comfort and try to understand; understand that none of us is separate from one another’s suffering, just as none of us is separate from one another’s joy. This understanding is how we truly build connections with one another. This understanding is how we come to know that we are all connected; that all we have to do is look another person in the eye. Really look at them. When you really start to look at people and really see them, really see who they are, it can feel like your heart is going to explode from so much beauty. Thoreau gets it exactly right when he asked, “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?
But we can’t stop at recognizing and trying to understand others’ suffering; we must also aspire to transform it through compassion. True compassion is not easy; it takes real strength and an open heart. It lives within each of us already, we just need to set it in motion. It starts by seeing beauty in the “other”, not just what needs helping. And where our loved ones are concerned, it starts with just being present.
We must also find a collective compassion for the Earth or as Albert Einstein suggests, “our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” We must create and cultivate a symbiotic relationship with the Earth, not just for us, but for the generations that come after us. It belongs to all of us; for, as Imam Ja’far al Sadiq insists “there is no joy in life unless three things are available: clean, fresh air, abundant pure water, and fertile land.”
Finding ourselves full of empathy and compassion can naturally lead to a heart willing to forgive. The anger and animosity that overtakes us when we can’t find the strength to forgive will pollute our spirit and poison our soul. I know, personally, how the power of forgiveness can affect one’s spirt and soul. A few years ago I suffered a very tragic loss because of the choices made by another person. It would have been easy to stay angry, but I chose a path of forgiveness; a path that wasn’t easy. But, once I decided to forgive, my heart opened up and I felt more at peace than I ever had in my life. This allowed me to be fully present to grieve and heal. There is a Tibetan Buddhist story about two monks who encounter each other some years after being released from prison where they had been tortured by their captors. “Have you forgiven them?” asks the first. “I will never forgive them! Never!” replies the second. “Well, I guess they still have you in prison, don’t they?” the first says. We must find a way to forgive those who have wronged us, or risk spending our lives never truly free.
None of these things are easy to do. It takes time, dedication and effort. We are human, so we will never be perfect, but the point isn’t perfection. The point is effort. When you make the effort and start seeing change, you’ll notice how it uplifts everyone around you.
Doctor and writer Rachel Naomi Remen has shared a beautiful story that her grandfather shared with her, a story rooted in the Jewish religion. And I want to share it with you because it encapsulates everything I’ve talked about today: “In the beginning there was only the holy darkness, the Ein Sof, the source of life. And then, in the course of history, at a moment in time, this world, the world of a thousand, thousand things, emerged from the heart of the holy darkness as a great ray of light. And then, there was an accident, and the vessels containing the light of the world, the wholeness of the world, broke. And the wholeness of the world, the light of the world was scattered into a thousand, thousand fragments of light, and they fell into all events and all people, where they remain deeply hidden until this very day.” And according to Dr. Remen’s grandfather, “the whole human race is a response to this accident. We are here because we are born with the capacity to find the hidden light in all events and all people, to lift it up and make it visible once again and thereby to restore the innate wholeness of the world. And this task is called tikkun olam in Hebrew. It’s the restoration of the world.
As we leave here today ready to do our part to “restore the world” I would like to leave you with a Peace Prayer which is an adaptation of a famous mantra from the Hindu Upanishads :
Lead me from death to life, from falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope, from fear to trust.
Lead me from hate to love, from war to peace.
Let peace fill our hearts, our world, our universe.
Peace. Peace. Peace.
May peace, light and joy fill each one of your hearts and may gratitude, humility, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness guide each of you through life.
